When I heard Brene Brown use the term, “hustle for worthiness”, I thought two things. First, that sums it up. And second, why didn’t I think of that. I could feel myself, or better yet my un-self, in those words. A friend of mine used to joke about me saying, “very busy, very important”. He might have said it better had he said, “oh, her, she’s just hustling for her worth”. I say this with a great deal of self compassion. Nowhere am I ashamed, instead, I am relieved to have named it, so that possibly, with God’s help, I can change it.
It never occurred to me that “worth” was lying under all these strivings and effortings (not a real word, but you get it). Watching my clients, my recovery friends, my colleagues, and my tribe, I realized, I wasn’t the only one. The one thing, of all the things, every single one of us is born with, our fundamental worth, we look for all our lives, as though it’s missing. However, it is and has been, as The Good Witch said, “in you all along, my dear”. So why this battlefield? Why this war within, where we are our only opponent? We believe a lie.
How we came to it, our stories, our families of origin, these will vary, but all the roads of struggle seem to find their start and their finish in the search for worth. We want to believe we matter. We want to believe we have purpose. We want to believe we are needed and belong, that we have something to say, that we have been heard, and that we are lovable. But, we don’t, which is why we “hustle” to find ‘it’.
Most of the time, instead of questioning why we believe what we believe, we find a way to ‘ease’ the beliefs that hurt. In many cases those ways of ‘easing’ turn in to ‘dis-ease’. It’s a vicious cycle. We are in a war to win something we’ve always had, but because we believe we are ‘losing’ the war, we look for ways to ‘ease’ our pain, which in turn eases nothing, but creates ‘dis-ease’, which starts another war altogether. Before long, the whole internal workings of our self is at war, all because of one thing…BELIEF. We can’t keep on this way if we want peace and love, and that sense of belonging. If we want wellness, physically and spiritually, somethings gotta change. I have discovered the best place to start a change is inside. And the best time to start a change is not Monday or January 1st, it’s NOW.
So, how do we go in, into ourselves? How to we question? How do we break the cycle? We have to look at what we believe. There are three words hanging out within the word BELIEVE, that are all important to our search for meaning. BElieve. beLIEve. beLIeVE. Be. Lie. Live. I can’t help but wonder if Shakespeare’s famous question, “to be or not to be?”, was less of a question and more an observation of the choice we are to make on this earth. If you wish “to be”, you will have to find the LIVE in your Believe. If you choose “not to be”, you will find that you live the LIE in your believe. Does what you believe bring you life or pain? If your answer is the latter, question what you believe. Do it over and over and over again, for every painful story that pops up in your head to challenge your worth. You don’t have to ‘hustle for worthiness’, but you might have to put a little hustle into questioning what’s going on in that brilliant mind of yours. There are volumes of evidence based research pointing to the power of belief and it’s impact on not just our emotional and spiritual well being but also our physical well being. (Check out a few books I’ve listed below.)
You are worth it. You are worth knowing you are worthy. You were born with it, like a light in your soul, fueled by God and your breath. Don’t you dare give up, “before the miracle”.
Sending you love wherever you are in the world,